Solace in Solitude

Sitting in sheer despair in the middle of a cold day,clouded and shrouded with gloomy thoughts  was something that defined melanchalous morbidity at its best.  Doodling and googling was the only way I found to squander time. It was one such mind-numbing days which turned out to be an amalgamation of cascading emotions. ‘M S – A life in Music’ was lying right next to me half- read. The cover picture was something that always intrigued me resume with the book, but I ended up staring at it for a while which lured me listen to Her divine voice. I stumbled on one of the videos on youtube-  just to  lose myself in her music and  to get a glimpse of Her resplendent and arresting face that was my sole solace in solitude.

Every time I listened to M S S my eyes would shed tears of ecstasy.

Her simplicity itself added a touch to her demeanour, and the pleasantness of her smile and eyes that twinkled with a mystical touch, stood out.

Each time I listened to her voice , only heightened my reverence for her and  left me in a state of sublime contentment drenched bliss.

Her cascading aalaps with lilting renditions is as pristine as the clear waters gushing through the streams , and her voice is a defining symbol of musical grace and benediction. It is beyond words to describe what her voice is not!

Every line that she recited, seemed like M S condescending to confabulate with the Almighty through music that reflected the intensity of her emotions. A child like innocence writ large on her face.

Her smile, shone with all the grace and radiance, like that of the deity in the sanctum sanctorum.

A cornucopia of emotions emerged while she sang with utmost devotion.

Just as I listen to Bhajagovindam, Bhaavayaaami gopalabala, Akhilandeshwari, Madhurashtakam, Shriman Narayana, Dasana Madiko Yenna, Durgashtakam and Jagadhhodharana I realize how fortunate I’m to linger on the effulgent shafts of sublimity that radiates through these soul stirring songs, leaving me in a state of  eternal euphoria.

I cannot help but contain the joy that accompanies every line, verse and aalap that magically traverses me to an Elysium that converges in the vastness of all.

M S S is an embodiment of the many fragrances that music personifies and a celebration of divinity that’s contagious.

She is just pure.. like music itself.

CHaOtIC MiNd

ILlUsIonaRy OpAcItY

Someone scoffed….

“Oh you’ll never do that”

At least no one ever has done that… said yet another..

And there were thousands to prophesy failure..

And millions to point out one by one..

There were impediments that waited to assail me..

Fervent  as ever to shatter my dreams…

There were dangers that waited to berate me..

Wafting their putrescence of a diabolic thought..

Even agony after a point is agonising.. I fought..

Atrocious, ridiculous outburst of a lunatic it was..

Trapped in the asylum of those dark thoughts..

Slandering, wandering, blundering like flies..

That  pass over good parts to lighten the soars!!!

Yes indeed to  lighten the soars..

But I cleared the clutter..

Swiped the surface..

The  illusionary opacity..

As  admonished by  my mind..

Drifting in those  realms of macabre rumination..

Swiftly the mind awakened..

Buckling and chuckling with a bit of grin..

And started to sing as it tackled the thing..

That cannot be done????

And you’ll do it

Ode to DaDdy dearest :)

Daddy dearest ©arajasu

You held those pair of tender hands that clinged on to your finger..

when all I knew was just that to hold on to in life..

Your gentle touch on my forehead..

With your orbs flooding with affection beyond the cosmos..

Your heart pouring out  unconditional love..

When you held my hand and walked with me in the sunshine..

And swayed me up in the air just to see me chuckle and sniggle..

And your smile.. your warm smile.. when you held me back..

The smile that radiated with sheer joy…

Like how the earth feels after the showers of bliss..

as time passed by..

your footsteps endorsed and sustained me through the tides of life..

You found your solace in me.. and me in you..

You wiped my tears..

Wiped my bruises.. despite yours.. battering you..

You stood by me.. my thick and thin..

You inspired me..

Loved me..

Embraced me with the indefinable warmth..

You did all that you could just to see me smile..

You found your joy in me.. and me in you..

Every time you patted my back..

I saw the pride in your eyes..

The beaming warmth in your smile..

And the inexplicable joy that surpassed the world..

And.. I realised that that was the best thing I could ever give you

The indomitable faith that you instilled in me..

Your confidence in my strength..

Is what has made me at this moment..

The pain that swelled your heart when you bid adieu to my second home..

The tears that welled up your eyes..

And that warmest of the warmest embrace that adorned me…

Daddy..  it is beyond me to say what you’re not..

You’ve been everything that I ever wanted and beyond..

My teacher, my friend, my mom, my life..

You’ve been..

The spirit of my soul..

An epitome of values

A paragon of virtues..

An abode of peace

An embodiment of patience..

And an ocean of grace, love and compassion..

You’re my zeal…

You’re my zest..

You’re  the deity in my distress..

You’re my prayers in my poignant self..

You’re my eternal source of energy..

and a divinity within me..
Thanks  for being the gardener of dusk and promising me the optimism in the splendor of dawn

With nothing but love..

Your lil angel..

Pointless Ranting-II

Me – ley ley leyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…..

JS – yeah

JS – Don’t tell me this refers to another jeopardy of thoughts that are going to decant here, not that I mind it but there are precincts of lingo that encumbers me to challenge your attainment of la langue – English

Me – i’m already jaded with this mortiferous language saddle me not with more of it its sedating me

Me - veilen danke for being my daily dose of verbosa n radiating the spirit of lingua that illuminates me

JS – Sedating you? Your exalt for the confederacy of words in your lineage of thoughts have me enraptured but that I thank you back for infusing me with the l’esprit de la langue to reach the state of Buddha the language is mortiferous I agree, but we are still the learners, like I said, “There’s always cacophony in everything we do and learn and so we try to unlearn it and learn the better again, but somehow the fetter is unbreakable. Such a paradox and yet we pine for a regally embellished life. So is language learning, I do not conceive how exactly but I feel so. ”

Me- just ruminating over the spontaneity of verbal brilliance that enraptures and leaves us in sheer consternation.. ephemeral yet ecstatic!! its an enigma shrouded by eclectic thoughts and emotions

This is what you call.. Pointless Ranting!! :)

Of late i seem to have contracted this strange obsession, inclination, proclivity.. whatsoever you may want to call and perceive it as.. someone who’s as insane as i’m.. or better still… ten fold insane than i’m has been in constant confabulation on a SNS which is ever so eminent as our dear politicos are

Dementia would probably be an understatement to expound the state of mind that one is in after one reads it!! well.. exasperatingly hysterical.. precisely

You will even be horrorstruck after reading the entire convo.. This unspeakable pesky creature who is ever so glued to my heart keeps ranting just to justify every time that she is my stupid lil sister Gawd!! Wonder what made you so insensitive while you befriended me to her!!  and you impudence has taken me to the realms of asininity!!!

 

How we clamour for irrefutable logic that we supposedly possess and run into the pointless potholes of the linguistic landscape…

here it goes…

 

Jyotthsnaa Sharma: There’s always cacophony in everything we do and learn and so we try to unlearn it and learn the better again, but somehow the fetter is unbreakable. Such a paradox and yet we pine for a regally embellished life. So is language learning, I do not conceive how exactly but I feel so.

Me – Miss Dose Sharma which literary text spewed this?

JS – er, needless to mention, my ranting brain.

Me – just that your cranium is brandishing its otherwise impregnated thoughts!!

JS – hold it…it’s not brandishing…!! and my thoughts haven’t yet saturated to the state of absurdity! So… I agree my language is bad…and so does my English suck…but thoughts are very very surefire!

Me – are u like launching a jeremaid session on how cantankerous you could get with your ‘irrefutable logic’ ?? don’t fritter away your precious time Dose Sharma your English doesn’t suck.. it would rather afflict Shakespeare or Chaucer n make them wanna re-write, re-think and re-coin new terms considering the way its getting frazzled by two individuals who are but an anathema to those elevated souls

JS – ahhh … I am not here to launch any session that could call the ‘tetchy-me’ for the irrefutable logic [what you consider].. hahhaa.. ouch. whoa and I did go underground and bury myself in some thesaurus if Shakespeare or Chaucer ever ventured such an idiocy.. and not that I consider them so but the two are not really an anathema for too much to call for..

Me – you know whom i addressed to as anathema?

JS – Hehe actually didn’t get that part

Me – hee hee hee…. ahhh finally there’s a shadow that shrouded you in the veils of mystery now thats what you literally call delicious ambiguity!!

JS – ohhh ma chère, you got me on that delicious ambuigity! anyway who is it addressed to?

Me – ahhh I got it got it!!!!!

JS – ‎:D

JS – shit are you crazy?! NOW I’d say they did fall to our feet for the pointless ranting we have here

JS - they’d be coerced to do so?? who but us??

JS – haha yes indeed… now that’s not even the bottom line!

Me – vous rencontrer après une sieste:) excusez-moi s’il vous plaît

JS – ahh bien sur

 

and this is what you call.. idiocy personified  agree Dose Sharma?

Sunshine.. :)

I strive so hard..

I die so hard..

But this feeling seems to dwell..every moment..I try to kill it within..

Why do u haunt me? I ask

Its silence ambushing my soul..

haunting me, Killing me,  haunting and killing me day in and day out..

wounding me, hurting me.. eating me alive as I try to console myself with what I have..

tears well up the orbs.. flowing like cascades.. incessantly like the rainfall..

alas.. rain.. measurably moistens the earth..

but these tears.. they flood me within..

an oasis is worthier.. on a barren land..than me..

tears alone..  stay with me..

saddling ,badgering, pestering and agonising me..

trapping me in trepidation..

arresting  my thoughts..

choking and laughing at my subservience to its majesty!

I bleed within..

I cry within..

my tears invisible.. tearing my spirit..

rupturing my soul..

but ignorance always foregrounds wisdom..

alas.. I seek for sunshine..

for without it I know I can’t revive..

after the drudgery of squabbling within the labyrinths of this mindless landscape..

and the travails of trepidation..

I know the sun shines brighter than the darkness that shrouds me..

And brightens and lightens  the soul

For the rays reach even the deepest of the deepest abyss..

Imbuing the spirit with light..

the unflinching light that dispels darkness..

I see sunshine.. I see sunshine…

Alchemy of peace.. Kuppalli..

Homely

Kavi shaila

Finally the D-day came calling!! After much ‘hemming and hawing’ and the endless wait!! Phew! And yes of course the much needed break from my badgering boss and my office was all I was desperately craving for. I couldn’t wait any longer to get to the elysium that I had dreamt of. We had three long days to unfurl before us and we waited with bated breath at the bus station eager as eagles to board the bus, the excitement was effervescent like how sulphuric acid would react when it is mixed with some sort of compound or whatsoever ( considering my knowledge in Chemistry is worse than maths ) I don care even if you think I’m magnifying the magnitude of the situation, but I sure was beyond just excited. I used to wake up in frequent intervals just to see if we got there yet and as the dawn befell I could feel the freshness of the morning in all its glory.

The  chill morning breeze tickled my face and had ossified my cheek and this coupled with the  golden-orange- yellow tinge of the sun at the horizon caught me off my senses,  I was dumbstruck looking at how the hues changed across the horizon and how beautifully He had lit up the entire surrounding with his refulgent shafts that radiated not just light but a sense of warmth, strength and a smile that blooms only cuz of Him during dusk and dawn ( His ability to conjure poor mortals like me defies all definitions).

What triggered me to visit this place was one of Kuvempu’s short story collection which left me completely besotted  about this enchanting eldorado. Me being apathetically lackadaisical when it comes to reading and studying for exams, happened to run into this book which instigated the desire to explore this terra incognita for reasons best known to me.  ( needless to say anything about the virtuosity and magnanimity of this great soul). Upon reaching this place all that was left of me was delirious abandon!! I could even breathe my last at this place.. ecstasy would be an understatement to describe the profoundity of my glee!   I was there.. yes.. I was..finding myself amidst the sea of silence… A silence that celebrated the silence of the self, a silence that touched my soul and the silence that spoke everything ever so intensely.. The very feel of this place is so bewitching and refreshing.. the cold breeze, the green trees, the gurgling of water, the sweet chirping of birds and of course the misty mountains. As we reached the guest house cum amphitheatre, the architecture left us  spellbound. All that I could distinctly hear was my pulse amidst the silence that seemed to stand and smile before me, a silence that seemed to put all the cacophony to shame! The room where we ensconsed ourselves was pretty decent and clean, thankfully!! The guest house was simply adorable and cosy and of course not to miss  Kuvempu’s poems etched on stone slabs that adorned the place.  There was silence again.. which seemed to surpass all the ‘cacophony’ within and steer me clear of the obstreperous thoughts that engulfed the mind. It was silence in its most pristine form ( Let me be clear that i’m not here waxing eloquent about ‘silence’) that seeped into the cauldrons of the very being which shook me yet remained still. Never had I been so smitten by silence all this while and there I was basking in admiration of silence amidst the silence that had silenced my senses. I was in total communion with the delightful sounds of nature..  (see how paradoxical things can be! lol)

As we proceeded to the ‘Kavi Mane’, the Poet’s ancestral house, a short stroll from the guest house where we were nested.. we noticed that Kuppalli had only two houses, one that of the poet and the other of His Uncle. I only imagined what an ocean of peace it must have been, I realised this place was embraced by mother nature’s arms that spread wide open just to snuggle this place with all Her Love.  Unconditional Love!! ‘Kavi Mane’ which has been converted to a museum had everything from His wedding invitation to the palanquin, from archaic utensils to clothes, from the outstanding contribution of this great man to the accolades that He won and of course the ‘Brindavan’ that stood still right in the middle of the house which is otherwise called a ‘Thottimane’ ( was only imagining how beautiful it’d be when it rains.. awww.. Intoxicating!) and of course the warmth of a house that is indefinable.. I could imagine the ripe old Kuvempu  right before my eyes, his soft and humble eyes made him a man of incredible integrity with which one could understand the complexity and tenderness of human relationships. The serenity on his face was so arresting and the clarity of his thoughts and expression was simple and lucid. His simplicity was inordinately intriguing. I could not find a single instance where a perfunctory style was adopted in his writing that reflected and elucidated the simplicity of beauty in life and how nature is central to our existence which would be non-existential otherwise!

Oh yes.. I never mentioned anything about the culinary delights of this place.. did I ? ( Although I was already satiated with the sheer beauty of this place)  :)  Well.. since this place has only two places out of which only one place has denizens, there was a petite kiosk next to ‘Kavi Mane’ where we get ‘eat’able stuff that would wade through your rumbling tummies. Not to forget the oil dipped ‘uppit’ that I had here would put even my culinary skills to shame! But I had to make do with it for the next 48 hours else we’d have to go to Teerthahalli which is 15 kms away from this place! ( Paalige bandid panchamrutha) and other delectable delicacies which I suppose needs no explanation.

Coming back to this place, As we headed to ‘Kavi Shaila’ the place where Kuvempu spent most of his time introspecting and contemplating in confabulation with mother nature.. and where he has been laid to rest for eternity .. and yes this was the most awaited moment at Kuppalli. I was quite literally hugged by silence here.. I was rather captivated more deeply by the description of silence through Kuvempu’s eyes that adorned this place..

there aren’t enough words to describe what I felt but all I know is that it was just ‘DIVINE!!’ and the benevolence of nature that bestowed upon Kuvempu was clearly reflected through his literary prowess. I remained at sheer consternation as I witnessed one of the most beautiful sunset across the horizon coupled with the sounds of nature.. and also at the immaculate manifestation of beauty, bounty, joy and above all Her love that, binds all creatures in this world. It was pure, unadulterated bliss, Wallowing ecstasy… well.. adjectives undermine them..

Euphoria redefined!